I Genuinely Liked Taylor Swift's Album. Who Have I Become?

If you're reading this, you likely thought this day was inevitable. Most people do; even at the fairly young age of 30, Taylor Swift has already been a star for so long and traversed so many genres and eras of popular music that little by little, more and more holdouts have jumped aboard the bandwagon.

But I truly, really, deeply believed I was different. My long-established, deep-seated hatred of all things Swift was too strong to fail. When friends shouted at me that 1989 was one of the best pop albums of the decade, I retorted that for every undeniable banger ("Wildest Dreams") on the album, there were at least two obnoxious, overly self-referential tunes ("Shake It Off," "Blank Space"). When critics pleaded with me to understand that Reputation was Tay-Tay 'reclaiming her image and subverting the media's perception of her,' I pointed out that whether that was a valid career move or not didn't render its songs any good. When my spineless turncoat sister informed me that Lover was 'actually good,' I listened to it once out of obligation, and unfazed and unimpressed, called my sister what she was, which was a spineless turncoat. Sure, I was capable of enjoying the odd tune of hers here and there, but my fallback was always that I couldn't stand more than a couple of her songs in one sitting.

So it was that I was dismayed to find Taylor's surprise quarantine release folklore so universally lauded by critics. Not dismayed, mind you, because I actually thought I would like the album. Rather, dismayed because as a (self-appointed, overly self-)serious music critic, I would feel the need to listen to it all so when I inevitably didn't make any mention of it in future year-end lists or Grammy snubs, people wouldn't accuse me of glossing it over without even giving it a try. Thus I begrudgingly queued folklore up during a lull in my workday earlier this week. After a couple basic chords, Swift's first line of the entire album is a forced delivery of the clunky line "I'm doin' good, I'm on some new shit," and as soon as I heard it, I rolled my eyes and snorted "Oh boy, HERE we go."

But I kept waiting to dislike something else about "the 1," that opening song. Then waiting to dislike some other song on the album. And waiting and waiting and waiting. To my absolute shock and horror, reader, that moment never came. As the chill, atmospheric, poetic tracks progressed through the album, I underwent some fashion of each of Kübler-Ross' five stages of grief:

1. Denial ("the 1"-"the last great american dynasty"): This isn't actually a good album so far. It's just not terrible, and that's making me think it's good because of how low my expectations were for it.

2. Anger ("exile"-"seven"): How the hell did she get Bon Iver and Aaron Dessner (of The National) to get involved with this project anyway?! That's the only reason this has a decent sound!! Why would those guys stoop to this level??

3. Bargaining ("august"-"invisible string"): Okay, I'll concede that I am somehow enjoying this. BUT! There's some external factor that's causing me to be more agreeable with this particular artist; perhaps a hope sprung anew amidst an inevitably volatile election that we can all forgo years of deeply-held beliefs to come to a mutual agreement on what is good for our country. Or, keeping with the political theme, the fact that Swift herself has finally over the last years finally become outspokenly political and unapologetically progressive, while her cultural arch-nemeses Kanye & Kim have made absolute fools of themselves in that same arena. Or, in a year in which I moved to a new city, dealt with a breakup, and have spent several months quarantining, I'm just ready to feel a sense of community somewhere, even if that comes in the form of a group of stans I've so consistently mocked and belittled.

4. Depression ("mad woman"-"betty"): My entire identity is centered around not liking Taylor Swift. I'm The Guy Who Doesn't Like Taylor Swift. How am I just sitting here, liking Taylor Swift?

5. Acceptance ("peace"-"hoax"): I think the reason I liked that so much is because folklore is legitimately a very good album.

And all in all, I suppose in a sense there was an air of inevitability to me liking some of Taylor Swift's work. After all, I have spent years developing a deep love for the music of Lorde, Lana del Rey and Kacey Musgraves, and that circle of talented female artists was only growing closer and closer to overlapping stylistically with Taylor Swift. Throw in this particular album's influence by Bon Iver and The National, and well, game over, man. Game over.

So here I am, a man humbled and humiliated, admitting to sharing a sentiment I never thought I would dare share: Taylor Swift writes good music.

Now, to my longtime comrades in the hater brigade, do not despair that you've lost me forever. I don't suddenly think that 1989 winning Album of the Year over To Pimp a Butterfly wasn't a crime against humanity. I don't suddenly forgive Taylor for years of capitalizing on the problematic media trope of 'Kanye crazy, Kanye black man, Kanye scary' to further her innocent victim image. I don't suddenly think "Look What You Made Me Do" isn't the worst pop single of the 21st century.

....But. I do suddenly want to just listen to "cardigan" on repeat. And feel increasingly less guilty about how much I enjoy it.