The Top 5 Halftime Shows Of The 2000s
We're fast approaching the main event of the night...and by that I mean Justin Timberlake's Super Bowl LII Halftime Pepsi Extravaganza presented by Goodyear Tires. That's right, the only thing more divisive than both the teams playing in tonight's Super Bowl is the master of ceremonies himself.
Much has been made about Timberlake's return to the Super Bowl stage for the first time since 2004, aka Nipplegate aka Boobghazi aka the moment Janet Jackson exposed herself willfully to a nation of weeping scarred children or when Timberlake stripped her down knowingly and singlehandedly tanked her career, depending on whom you ask.
I have spent this week preparing by binge-watching all the halftime shows since the turn of the century, in order to answer the most pressing question in today's World: who are the Top 5 performances of the 21st Century? Well, I'll tell you. It was a hard decision, so I had to employ certain criteria, such as giving points for live performances and entertainment value, and deduct points for lip-syncing and uh, bad entertainment value (aka sounding bad (sorry Rolling Stones and The Who, we still love you)).
Honorable Mentions: Madonna (with Cee-Lo Green, LMFAO, MIA, and Nicki Minaj) [2012]; Bruce Springsteen [2009]; Bruno Mars (with The Red Hot Chili Peppers) [2014]; Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers [2008]
5. Lady Gaga [2017]
It was a close call between Gaga and her predecessor (Madonna) but I give the edge to the former, thanks to Madonna's obvious lip-syncing. Also, the fact that Gaga could whirl, twirl, diving to catch a football, and subtly offer a subversive protest, all while sounding pretty dang good!
4. Coldplay (with Beyoncé and Bruno Mars) [2016]
I had to include this one. Objectively, I understand that this was not many people's favorite. Subjectively, I don't know why. Chris Martin didn't sound perfect, but Coldplay, as usual, put on a show, and Bruno and Beyoncé's interludes were phenomenal. The transitions between the 3 acts still give me goosebumps. If nothing else, Coldplay deserves mad props for tricking a huge crowd of meatheads to hold up a massive colorful sign declaring "Believe In Love."
3. Prince [2007]
Widely considered one of, if not the best halftime shows, Prince was in stunning form in a rarely rainy Miami. NFL Organizers were panicking about the unexpected rain showers, but Prince was the coolest dude in the stadium, pulling off a rocking show, and closing with "Purple Rain", amidst a downpour. Slight points off for doing a strange, scattered medley of covers instead of strictly his plethora of hits.
2. Beyoncé [2013]
Her 2016 appearance (complete with Black Panther garb) was the one that endeared her to #TheResistance and infuriated thousands of right-wing snowflakes, but it was her 2013 show that vaulted Beyoncé from universally-liked pop star to head-turning, rabble-rousing icon. This show had all the visual spectaculars of Madonna, the dancing and live singing of Gaga, but the intonation and energy of Prince. All the while making a hugely political statement without a single mention of it by employing strictly black women for every part. Watch it and tell me (objectively) you're not impressed.
1. The Black Eyed Peas [2011]
Just kidding. Here's Andrew Lewis's shoutout, though.
The real #1 is....
1. U2 [2002]
Come on. Come on. This will never be topped. No chance. The reason is simple: this is the only halftime show that was more than a performance. It was the emotional catharsis for a still-hurting nation. Indeed, though U2 was the biggest band in the World at the time and sounded as spectacular as one would expect, the more important facet was that in the wake of 9/11, the Irish rockers provided the national audience with a beautiful tribute. It may be 16 years after the fact, but "Where The Streets Have No Name" will forever elicit tears.