The Sports Year From Hell, Ch. 2: Fútbol
In case you missed my introduction to this series on Saturday, here it is.
Today, we turn our attention from American Football to the kind of Football the World plays. Soccer, as we here in THE GOOD OL' STARS AND STRIPES CALL IT, is actually my favorite sport, and it's not even close. Expect countless odes to the game over the course of this blog's existence. But for now, just know that I am very emotionally invested.
First, a nod to the best of very few highlights: Leicester City's conquering of the Premier League is one of the greatest sports stories in history, and if you live under a rock, educate yourself on the miracle that transpired last season. So that was nice!
But apart from that fairy tale, soccer also held very little joy for me this year. There were 6 (SIX!) championships this year in which I held a rooting interest, six opportunities for a team I loved to win or a team I hated to lose. Surprise! It didn't work out that way. In order of pain index, from least to most.
6. (May 21, 2016): FA Cup Final
The Teams: Crystal Palace vs. Manchester United
The Background: Manchester United are, historically, the New York Yankees of club soccer. They're the big-money bullies who consistently hang around the top of the Premier League Standings, and this Liverpool fan can't stand them. The 2015-16 season was far from the best for ManU, but they still had a chance to claim a major trophy, something only two other Premier League clubs would be able to do.
The Result: Crystal Palace broke the scoreless deadlock with just 13 minutes left in the match, only to give up the equalizing goal a mere 3 minutes later. Then, in extra time, five minutes after Man U were reduced to 10 men following a Red Card, young Jesse Lingard struck home the trophy-winning goal. ManU, 2-1.
Pain Index Rating: 4/10 Late Goals
I never enjoy watching a Manchester victory, especially when it's a trophy they get to gloat about the whole ensuing season. But, I had expected them to win this one, and in fact was not even watching this match. Instead I celebrated Graduation festivities with my family, thus lessening the pain meter.
5. (Feb. 28, 2016): League Cup Final
The Teams: Liverpool vs. Manchester City
The Background: A mere 4 months after Jürgen Klopp took the helm, he had led my beloved Liverpool to their first Final. Granted, the League Cup isn't the most vaunted title, but still, it's always exciting to win a trophy, especially when your opponent is top-class Manchester City!
The Result: In an evenly fought match, Man City took the lead soon after halftime. But Liverpool kept knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door, when finally, just 7 minutes from the final whistle, our brilliant Brazilian star Phillippe Coutinho struck the equalizer. It was pandemonium in Wembley!! The match's intensity ratcheted up even further, but ultimately decided in PKs. Mignolet, our off-and-on keeper saved the first PK, but it was disaster from there on out. All ensuing kicks were a Liverpool miss and a Man City make, resulting in a 4-1 PK victory for the Fighting Arab Investors.
Pain Index: 5.5/10 Shanked Penalties
I was very disappointed to see the Reds miss out on a trophy, especially when I thought they were gonna take it in penalties. But of all the trophies to miss out on, this is one you don't lose too much sleep over.
4. (May 28, 2016): Champions League Final
The Teams: Atlético Madrid vs. Real Madrid
The Background: Remember that thing I said about Man U being the Yankees of club soccer? Yeah, even more so with Real Madrid. Not only do they buy up most of the brightest stars, seemingly their whole team is so damn dislikable, whether it's Cheap-Shot Marcelo, Hothead Pepe, or of course, Floppy Whiner Cristiano Ronaldo. So though I didn't love Atlético either, no way I'm cheering for any result in the biggest club competition in the world other than a Real Madrid loss. Oh, also, fun fact: Real Madrid qualified for this final through one of the easiest paths to a final in history (objectively speaking).
The Result: Real Madrid struck early, but Sergio Ramos was in an offsides position. Did that matter to the refs? OF COURSE NOT. They clung on to that 1-0 lead for most of the match, despite play being dominated by Atletico. Finally, the underdogs broke through with the equalizer in the 79th minute, and looked to carry the momentum to overtime! But alas, despite being the clear superior team, Atletico could not break through again, and the game went to penalties. On the last kicks of the game, Atletico missed for the first time, and who stepped up to seal the victory for Real? Megastar and mega-ego Ronaldo, who of course buried it, and whipped off his jersey to flex his abs in celebration.
If there's a more sickening sight in football, I don't know what it is.
Pain Index: 6.5/10 Jersey Doffs
I was considerably less invested in this Champions League final than I typically am, both because of the timing (I was at a friend's wedding and watched on tape-delay), but especially because I didn't care for either team playing. That being said, I hate seeing Ronaldo and Madrid win, especially when they were the beneficiaries of an easy road to the final, and especially especially when they were the 2nd-best team in said final.
3. (June 26, 2016): Cópa America Centenario Final
The Teams: Argentina vs. Chile
The Background: The prestigious tournament, held on the USA's soil for the first time, saw much high-tempo and high-quality play, and resulted in a final that rematched the two final teams from the previous year's iteration. Apart from the US and Italy, Argentina is the International team I most cheer for, both because I love their attacking play, but especially because I love Lionel Messi. The "Little Flea" is one of the greatest of all time, and unlike Ronaldo, he doesn't have the ego to match. Yet, an International trophy has eluded him to this point, a mark that is unfairly placed on him (he can't be responsible for the play of 10 others around him), but whose legacy remains nonetheless. So, even though it wouldn't rid the pain of seeing Messi lose in World Cups and Copa Americas previous, it would be a joy to watch them win this one.
The Result: About the worst thing possible. Both teams had been nothing short of brilliant throughout the tournament, but instead resorted to sloppy, physical play in the Final. It was a scoreless game with few legitimate scoring chances, and instead would be decided by penalties (noticing a theme?). Still, I thought surely Argentina would have the mental edge with the revenge factor on their side. Instead, Messi started the shootout by skying his shot over the crossbar, and Argentina never recovered, as Chile won the Cópa America in a penalty shootout for the second-straight year.
Pain Index: 7/10 Crying Messi Memes
Apart from the much-anticipated game being a letdown, I wouldn't have even been too disappointed by this result. I enjoy Chile, and respected the incredible team play they had exhibited throughout the tournament. But seeing Messi miss his kick so horribly was bad enough, and then this happened:
Heartwrenching. Not sure how any haters could see that video and argue that Lionel doesn't care how the National Team performs. To make matters worse, he (naturally) became the target of vicious Internet and Social Media trolls.
2. (May 18, 2016): Europa League Final
The Teams: Liverpool vs. Sevilla
The Background: Amazingly, despite an overall disappointing season, Liverpool had their 2nd chance at a trophy, and this was a big one! Sure, the Europa League is the little brother of the Champions League, but a chance to win a big European trophy was extremely exciting, especially because with a victory, the Reds would qualify for next year's Champions League! Also, there was a sense of destiny about this Championship run, given Liverpool's magical quarterfinal win over heavily-favored Dortmund. Seriously, if you have 8:43 to burn, watch these highlights.
The Result: Liverpool all but controlled the first half. Daniel Sturridge gave us the lead on a brilliant goal. Minutes thereafter, he nullified a 2nd goal by being offsides, but still, we were clearly the vastly superior side. (And, had it been for competent refereeing, we could have had at least 2 penalties to go with our goal.) Then, after halftime, everything fell apart. Sevilla notched their equalizer less than a minute into the 2nd half, then added a second and a third within 20 more minutes. In 25 minutes of insanity, Liverpool's chance at a trophy (and at playing in European tournaments this year) was taken from them.
Pain Index: 7.5/10 Mental Breakdowns
It was just the Europa League, but this one hurt more than the average second-tier European tournament loss. Winning this trophy would have been so positive for morale, and so significant to the team's progression in this season. In addition, we were so much better in the first half, but failed to put the match out of reach.
1. (July 10, 2016): Euro Cup Final
The Result: France vs. Portugal
The Background: France, the host nation, had made good on the optimism of fans and pundits alike, reaching the final match by growing in quality with every match and culminating with a semifinal victory over defending World Champions Germany. Portugal, conversely, had only qualified for the knockout stages by not being the worst 3rd-placed team in Group Play (yep, real thing). Through incredible fortune, they were placed in the easier side of the bracket, and they progressed as such: a late extra-time winner against Croatia totally against the run of play, a PK victory over Poland, and a semifinal victory over massive underdogs and tournament darlings Wales-- yes, Wales! Also Portugal is the team of the aforementioned Ronaldo and Pepe, so guess who I was cheering for?
The Result: Ronaldo exited the Final less than a half-hour in with an injury, which was dramatic. Otherwise, it was just like every other match that Portugal had played in the tournament. They were clearly overmatched, and France were far better. Yet, the latter failed to put one in the net, and in overtime, Portugal were the ones to break through on a counter-attack goal. Seemingly every bounce and stroke of luck had gone their way in the tournament, and that was no different in the Final. Portugal 1, Hosts France 0.
Pain Index: 8/10 Fluke Victories First of all, the Portugal victory is a pretty unbelievable story, especially with their captain and hero leaving the match so early. But still, there were so many things wrong with that result. Portugal won the 2nd-most prestigious international trophy after having won one (ONE!) game in regulation all tournament. They had the easiest group, and TIED all three group matches. Despite having incredible attacking talent, they played ugly, defensive soccer throughout, and clearly, it worked as the far-more-deserving France was undone. Finally, and most painfully, this trophy was somehow to Ronaldo's credit, even though he had a pretty brutal tournament, and BARELY EVEN PLAYED IN THE FINAL. Yet, this, this, was exactly what the pro-CR7 and anti-Messi crowds needed to "prove" that their player was truly greater.
It's too much. Will Liverpool or the USMNT take any of my pain away in this upcoming year? Unlikely.